Miss USA Wii Problem Mary Cheney Lesbian Gets Bush

Lesbian mother gets Bush blessing

After insisting for years that a child should be brought up by a mother and father in a traditional home, President George W Bush has given his blessing to a forthcoming birth by one of America's most famous lesbians - Mary Cheney, the daughter of his Vice-President, Dick Cheney.

"Mary Cheney is going to make a fine mum, and she's going to love this child a lot," Mr Bush told People magazine. "I'm happy for her."

The president's enthusiastic embrace of the impending addition to the White House's extended family came as a surprise to those who recall his robust opposition to gay marriage, which he made a cornerstone of his 2004 White House re-election campaign.
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A spokesman for the president said he still believes that one-man, one-woman parenting is best for a child.

Conservative Christians, whose support played a key role in the two election victories, have criticised the 37-year-old's decision to raise a child with Heather Poe, 45, Miss Cheney's girlfriend of 15 years.

The couple have said they consider themselves married, but live in Virginia where gay marriages and civil unions are banned.

The manner of Miss Cheney's impregnation and the father's identity have not been revealed.



A Wii bit of a problem.

So, a funny thing happened the other day while I was playing with my Wii.

I mean my Nintendo Wii, not my ... OK, I'm sorry, I can't make yet another puerile Wii joke. They were barely funny six months ago; now it's like chewing glass from a broken formaldehyde jar. And you're looking at a guy who can amuse himself for hours just by repeating the words "monkey farts" over and over.

Anyway, I was playing some Wii Sports on my new Nintendo console, getting into a tennis game like a virtual Roger Fedrer ... Roger Ferdererd... like Bjorn Borg, and on a particularly energetic overhead smash the Wii controller slipped from my sweaty hands, flew out the window, ricocheted off my neighbour's Lhasa Apso and launched into space, eventually landing in the heart of the sun and triggering a chain reaction that will cause it to go nova and destroy all life on our planet roughly about ... now. Sorry about that. Hey, can I be on your website?

WATCHING REPORTS

Those of us deeply involved in the world of video gaming - don't laugh, I get paid for this stuff - have been watching with great interest the reports of people breaking their TVs, their windows, their walls and in some cases their skulls, all through over-vigorous use of Nintendo's newest electronic toy.

The basic gist of it is this: Because the Wii's controller (dubbed the "Wii Remote," "Wiimote" or "Sigmund's Ivory Phallus") uses innovative motion-sensing technology, you play games by waving it around.

In The Legend of Zelda or Red Steel, you slash it like a sword to make your on-screen character do the same.

In Excite Truck, you twist it from side to side to steer your 4 x 4 around hilly race courses. And in Wii Sports, you swing it like a tennis racquet, baseball bat or golf club, grip it in your fist while boxing or hold it in your hand while making the motions of rolling a bowling ball. And that's where the trouble starts.

Since moving around while playing video games is a novelty outside of stuff like Dance Dance Revolution (or Spaz Spaz Whiteboy as it's known in my house), people are getting just so gosh-darned excited playing these novel games that they're whipping the Wii Remote around with all their might. And, inevitably, some of them are losing their grip.

Fortunately, the Wii Remote comes with a wrist strap to prevent flying remote-related mayhem.

But some of these people aren't using the wrist strap, and others are having the rather thin 'n' flimsy strap break on them when they accidentally let go of the Wii controller during a simulated 95 mph fastball pitch.

Or so they say, anyway. On websites like the aptly named WiiHaveAProblem.com, people are falling over one another in their haste to send in pictures of Wii-related catastrophes.

Photos of broken light fixtures, shattered windows, smashed TVs, dented walls and all manner of hand, head and face trauma is on display, like a skier proudly showing off the pole embedded in his spleen after a particularly nasty wipeout.

Sorry, but I call bullsugar on half this stuff. Some of it is certainly legit, but come on. This is the Internet, folks. Just 'cause I say my herbal supplement will add three inches to your Nigerian prince's mortgage doesn't make it true.

Do a Google image search for "broken TV" or "black eye," cut your Wii Remote's wrist strap with scissors and take a picture of it, and presto: instant dubious fame!

And yet Nintendo, in its infinite wisdom, kindness and childlike-to-the-point-of-mild-retardation naivete, decided yesterday to announce a wrist strap replacement program (which is another way of saying voluntary recall) for people who want to trade up to a new, thicker strap that's less likely to result in broken TVs, wounded house pets and Internet fakery.

Don't get me wrong, I'm the first guy to jump all over a video game company when they screw up, particularly when it involves flaws in the hardware.

Hey Microsoft, any chance of making an Xbox 360 that doesn't sound like a Harrier jet taking off in my living room?

Hey Sony, if Ford had the same philosophy for car design that you guys have for your PlayStation controllers, we'd still be driving Model Ts. Minus the engine vibration.

But why would a feel-good company like Nintendo endure the public relations nightmare of a perceived recall just because a handful of people are too stupid to HANG ON TO THEIR FRICKIN' VIDEO GAME CONTROLLERS AND NOT CRACK OTHER PEOPLE IN THE HEAD WITH THEM when they play?

I mean, the Ninty folks have already done everything they could: Safety warnings in the manuals, online, sent to owners via email, illustrated in the games themselves, spelled out via fleet of skywriters ... short of dispatching those two little Japanese dudes from the TV commercials to everyone's house to tell people to chill the hell out while playing Wii, what more could possibly be expected here?

GET ALL FOUR

But if you're some kind of freak who has juiced-up pro wrestler biceps coupled with the frail hands of an arthritic pensioner, you can head to www.nintendo.com/consumer/strapreplace.jsp and request up to four replacement straps, and all you have to give them is your address and your Wii's serial number.

Might as well get all four, and use the other ones for your hockey stick, baseball bat and beer mug.

I guess the lessons to be learned are these: 1) People are idiots. 2) Nintendo cares about your health and well-being as much as, if not more than, your own mom, even if it means sending out a bunch of free string to the aforementioned idiots.

3) In Wii games, simply flicking your wrist has the exact same effect as swinging your arm with all your might.

4) If you're using Vaseline or a similar lubricant for recreational activities, wash your hands prior to playing with your (other) Wii.

5) Sometimes you just gotta go for the obvious joke.



Miss USA Sent Back To Kentucky Without The Crown

Tara Conner, who was crowned Miss USA in April, has probably been stripped of her tiara by now since she was thrown out from her Trump Place apartment thanks to her “inappropriate” behavior.

Heavy-partying, Miss USA had to leave the apartment given each year to the beauty contest winners and fly back to her small Kentucky hometown. According to reports, her runner-up, Miss California Tamiko Nash is already set to replace her.

"She does not live here anymore," said a doorman at the posh Upper West Side property referring to Conner. “She is not allowed any where on Trump property. She is certainly not allowed to come back. I don't think it was her choice, really."

Rumors were that Conner was being investigated for acting a little out of control and not setting the example she is supposed to once she received the crown as Miss USA 2006. Since she left Kentucky, she broke up with her boyfriend and has been linked to a series of man including two of the owners of the club Stereo, MTV veejay Damien Fahey, American Idol host Ryan Seacrest, and DJ AM's assistant.

Donald Trump, who co-owns the Miss Universe Organization with NBC, said they will make a public announcement on Tuesday and until then pageant officials will continue to study the situation.

"Reports that Miss USA is being 'dethroned' are absolutely not true, she is going through some personal problems and difficulties right now which could affect her ability to reign. We are right now looking into what we can do to work with her and what we will do about her reign going forward," Trump said.

"The Miss Universe Organization and Mr. Donald J. Trump will be evaluating her behavioral and personal issues to see what we can do to work with her, and what we will do about her reign going forward," Paula Shugart, president of the Miss Universe Organization, said in a statement.

"Mr. Trump will make a determination and announcement within the coming week. Miss USA Tara Conner has not been dethroned.”

Conner, who has been competing in pageants since age 4, was asked to undergo recreational drugs testing.

"She has a really bad drug problem. Everyone at Miss USA hated her. She slept with [Blink 182's] Travis Barker and she sleeps with all the club promoters," said one source.

"She was latching onto a crew of promoters because she had no other friends and she was using them for drugs," a friend said. "She started utilizing hip New York City people in the night-life scene to feed her addictions."

"I cut her off when she started leeching off all the other people I introduced her to."

Despite her declaration in April, during the contest, when she condemned young stars’ conduct as going over the top saying "I think they are getting a little bit too much edgy [sic]. I think that they are a little bit too much risqué," she said. "I think they need to tone it down a bit," more sources added she was known for her lascivious behavior in club bathrooms. "She always went the extra mile," said one pal.

"She always partied. She's had deep-rooted difficulties," a friend added.

While Conner’s friends and family are being as supportive as they can, one person told the Post her partying "makes Paris Hilton look like a baby."

"To my knowledge, nothing is going on," Conner's mother, Brenda Johnson, told the newspaper. "I love my daughter and stand beside her.''

Added aunt Carol Anderson: "That's not Tara. I don't think she would jeopardize such an honor. To me, it's all hearsay.''